So, as previously stated, I want Candace Parker’s shoulders. Not to bite. Not to lick. But to have as my own…in a slightly off-white, salmon color please.
To your ralph is a picture of Candace at the ESPYs about a month ago. (Yes, I only report on the freshest of topics.) Since then, her shoulders have tripled in size. (I’ve heard.) The ESPY trophy in the picture must weigh a good 25 bills. There is no other reason to be flexing that much.
Let me tell you about another famous pair of shoulders: At first glance Dwight Howard’s shoulders look like bowling balls welded to steel pipes. His shoulders are so big, they wear pants.
So to conclude probably the worst deltoid commentary of all time… Dear God, please allow (force?) Candace Parker and Dwight Howard to mate. I’d love to see ‘lil beach ball shoulders all tuckered out after a long day of military pressing bison carcass.
Ionic Parker-Howard, we look forward to meeting you.
View more on Dwight Howard and the Olympics 2008.
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Jerk,
I am glad that you were able to find a picture to use for your shoulders piece. I too would love to see the Howard/Parker offspring. However, I would imagine it would have to be a c-section birth because there is no way on earth something with shoulders that wide is coming out naturally. I enjoy your articles and even though your call sign is “Jerk” you seem pretty cool to me.
Cheesehead
Holy Shoulders!