Fantastic news today for every man in America, Australia, and the world, really. As long as you last three minutes or more in bed, you are “adequate” and deserve to live.

This is great! Take that Hollywood. Take that rock n roll superstars. The study goes to show that “doin’ it all night long” ain’t all it’s cracked up to be.

The craziest part about the study is the researchers’ conclusion that MEN are the ones who usually want the sexy-time to last longer, not women. Somehow the ladies claim to be satisfied by these short five-to-seven minute escapades. Sounds odd, but somehow perfect at the same time.

Way to go ladies. Thanks for taking so much pressure off of the guys. It’s tough out there sometimes.

Now fetch me a beer and get ready to experience the most mind-blowing three minutes of your life!

I can’t say that I blame the guy. Bad food. Crappy weather. Questionable dental care.

He has the British press following his every move when he is back in England. He probably feels some sense of relief to be away from all the madness. Ironic that his relief comes in the midst of a combat zone in Afghanistan.

My favorite part of Harry’s statement was when he used the word “shite”. That is such a great word. In fact, everyone should try harder to incorporate this classic British term into their every-day vocab. But I digress.

Since this article was originally written, the Prince has already been flown back to England for fear that his location being exposed by the media might leave he and his fellow troops vulnerable to attack. Ah the life of royalty.

NJIT, or N.J. Tech if you prefer, has completed their abysmal season with a record of 0-29. Yes, 0-29. No, seriously, 0-29. Tech finishes this year’s campaign with a 341 RPI ranking out of a possible 341 teams in Division I.

I kinda feel bad for these guys. I cannot imagine being on a team that bad. When you are 0-29, you make this year’s 1-15 Miami Tuna Fish look good.

Since joining the Division I level, NJIT is 5-53.

Hey Tech, I know I’m not a distinguished alumni, an administrator or even a current student, and I know little-to-nothing about your fine institutution of academia, but maybe it’s time to move back down to a lower level of competition, like Division II. Or maybe just drop the program and start a men’s lacrosse team instead.

In typical Frenchie-Canadian fashion, Eric Gagne, now of the powerhouse Milwaukee Brewers, issued a half-assed, lame “apology” of sorts on Monday.

Gagne couldn’t handle the pressure of the playoffs last season with the Sawks so it’s fitting that he landed in Milwaukee, because who knows the last time they had a meaningful playoff run. Let’s see, top criteria for Eric Gagne in the offseason…

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Best prank ever, simple glitch, or stupid mistake? Well, due to a “human error” in the system, all 2,550 students at Palm Bay High in FL were summoned for Saturday morning detention.

I can only imagine the sheer horror some of these kids and parents experienced when notified that the student had received detention. I know I would have soiled myself back in the day had this occurred to me. From the outside looking in, the whole thing is simply hilarious.

Perhaps even more hilarious, only 40 students showed up for detention! 40?! Seriously. I don’t know what’s more baffling - the glitch itself or the fact that only 40 kids rolled out of bed that morning. My bet is that these smart bastards erased the voice mails before their parents came home, thus avoiding the beating of a lifetime.

If nothing else, at least lil’ Jimmy got a free breakfast out of it.

This article reminds me of the movie “Kill Bill”. Pretty interesting insight into the modern-day mob in Japan.

Just like with any other “business”, the Japanese mobsters have had to change with the times to survive. Read and enjoy, young grasshoppers.