‘nough said
Sep 4th, 2008 by The Jerk | 2 Comments »
Since Rafael Nadal became a professional tennis player four years ago it was apparent that he possessed a relentless will to win, uncanny tennis talent, and a positively voyeuristic affinity for picking his butt on [inter]national television.
Aug 17th, 2008 by The Jerk | 1 Comment »
US gymnast and beloved cutie pie Alicia Sacramone punches some guy. We all know this girl is a fighter, seeing her battle back from a disappointing experience in Athens. (I’m not exactly sure what I’m talking about, because I didn’t know who Alicia Sacramone was until a few days ago…but I hear she has battled back from something, sometime. BUT, I do know she is a cutie pie.)
In reading some of the comments on YouTube, apparently this duder was one of Alicia’s friends who egged her on…and she responded…with a sweet left hook…to the jaw…dropping said egger.
If I may include some commentary on Sacramone’s Olympic performance and what not…
Aug 13th, 2008 by The Jerk | 2 Comments »
So, as previously stated, I want Candace Parker’s shoulders. Not to bite. Not to lick. But to have as my own…in a slightly off-white, salmon color please.
To your ralph is a picture of Candace at the ESPYs about a month ago. (Yes, I only report on the freshest of topics.) Since then, her shoulders have tripled in size. (I’ve heard.) The ESPY trophy in the picture must weigh a good 25 bills. There is no other reason to be flexing that much.
Let me tell you about another famous pair of shoulders: At first glance Dwight Howard’s shoulders look like bowling balls welded to steel pipes. His shoulders are so big, they wear pants.
So to conclude probably the worst deltoid commentary of all time… Dear God, please allow (force?) Candace Parker and Dwight Howard to mate. I’d love to see ‘lil beach ball shoulders all tuckered out after a long day of military pressing bison carcass.
Ionic Parker-Howard, we look forward to meeting you.
View more on Dwight Howard and the Olympics 2008.
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Jul 16th, 2008 by The Jerk | No Comments »
Recent story I found on Digg.
“I’m going out there a week early, if that tells you anything,
” Rodgers told Yahoo! on Saturday in his first extended interview since Favre requested his formal release in a letter the Packers received Friday. “I’m just excited about that first night’s sleep in the dorms, going out and practicing the next day and all the things that will follow”
The Jerk’s take…
Jun 24th, 2008 by The Jerk | No Comments »
While Reggie Bush may not be the fastest man in the NFL, he’s close to it and his name is synonymous with speed; that is why I elected him as the first NFL player to participate in this challenge. It is beautiful in its simplicity and in fan involvement, as well as raising some money for a good cause.
May 21st, 2008 by The Jerk | 1 Comment »
What can I say about Dan in Real Life? Heartwarming.
I’m not a professional movie critic, but to me, Dan in Real Life is simply a heartwarming, brilliantly written movie of a widower, doing his best to raise three daughters while struggling with his suppressed desire to do something for himself.
I, myself, have never been in this situation, so take my “brilliantly written” with a grain of salt, but for me, it was a pinwheel of emotion. I found myself circling the range of sentiment, from happiness to sadness, to discomfort and back to happiness.
The overall plot-line was superb, but, to be critical, I felt the individual characters often behaved irrationally. But as we all know, individuals are irrational. Maybe I’m too used to seeing caricatures in movies instead of dynamic, realistic, sentient being.
f you are looking for a barrel full of laughs, look elsewhere. If you’re looking for American Beauty meets Along Came Poly, Dan in Real Life is for you.
Apr 15th, 2008 by The Jerk | No Comments »
Bring on Cheryl! Bring on any woman sports commentator in the known universe! I cannot take Reggie Miller anymore.
The title of this article is somewhat of a misnomer, in that there is no list, because there needn’t be a list when one commentator is so far ahead of the rest with respect to horrendousness. I feel bad right now, eviscerating another man with words, but this needs to be done.
Mar 20th, 2008 by The Jerk | No Comments »
In the real world, a “power couple” might be a married couple, both lawyers. But in the movies, power couples come in all forms. Below is a list of my top six power couples.
Disclaimer: I apologize to comic book geeks (yes, you Yorick). I used movie power couples; in the comic books some of these super heroes may be divorced or separated, now a single parent, trying to make it in a world with no water because the greed of men brought a great drought and now people live off cigarettes and melted ice caps…yawn.
Mar 13th, 2008 by The Jerk | 2 Comments »
I have read and watched the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Both were a while ago, but late one night I began wondering if Gandalf really left it all out on the court.
Gandalf started out Grey. He was the second most powerful wizard in all the land. Upon his new self-appointed nickname, Gandalf the White, and with Saruman out of the picture, Gandalf failed to impress. (Saruman, btw, had whooped Gandalf’s grey butt previously.) Possibly the most impressive thing he did all through the trilogy was creating that large dragon firework. Was Gandalf just a glorified pyrotechnics expert?