I cannot really imagine waking up to anything worse than boiling-hot water being poured on, in, and/or around my genital region. But for a Bradenton, FL man, this real-life nightmare was all too…well…real.

Yeesh. Who knows what this poor guy did to piss off his wife so bad that she resorted to these antics. No word on if this occurred in a trailer park (which would actually make a lot of sense). I’m going to assume it did - makes the story better. Further, the woman - Maverna Theresa Turay - did not give police a reason as to why she poured the piping hot water on her husband’s jewels, but did tell police that she had been “drinking alcohol”. Hmmmm, verrry interesting. I never would have suspected alcohol to be an intrical part of this story. Go figure!

According to the sheriff’s report, the poor fella “ran out of the house screaming while a relative called 911″. That must have been an interesting scene for the neighbors. And I can only imagine the 911 call from the relative: “Ok, wait, so she poured what on his what?!”

I hope the man makes a full recovery. Let this be a lesson to all you gentlemen out there - if you piss off your significant other, do not leave your groin exposed, because somehow, someway, 98.6% of the time they will resort to pouring scalding liquid on your man-region.

Sweet dreams!

Tomoji Tanabe of Japan is the world’s oldest man. The dudester is seriously old - 113 years of age to be exact. Recently, he celebrated his birthday, partyin’ like twas 1899.

He told reporters that he eats a lot, but strictly avoids alcohol, cigarettes, and snacks. If avoiding the fun things in life allow you to live really long, then please count me out of the future centenarians club.

Mr. Tanabe says he is “happy”. That’s all fine and dandy, but seriously, who wants to live to be 113 years old? What the heck do you do every day that makes you want to keep living at that point? What does Tomoji do every day, all day? Most likely, all of his friends have been dead for years, and he doesn’t drink. That leaves very few options for entertainment. He said he likes to “peruse” the newspaper. Yea, I like to do that too - for about fifteen minutes. Then what does he do for the rest of the fifteen hours and forty-five minutes a day that he is awake? But I digress.

Well, as the old (sorry for the pun but I had to) saying goes, it’s not the years in your life, it’s the life in your years. And you know what? If he is happy, then gosh darnit, I’m happy for him, too. Cheers to Tomoji. I’ll toss back a saki bomb in your honor.

Kids just want to have a good time.  Maybe dabble in the world of pre-marital sexual intercourse.  Here’s a great story on what happens when a boyfriend chooses the wrong daughter and the wrong time. 

What’s so funny about this story is that I can’t help to wonder if the boyfriend had to hop on his huffy naked back to the tree house.  Its too bad for the dad who had to do what he had to do to protect his daughter and most of all his authority in the house.  Instead of arresting the man, I would give him a key to the city.  One less teenage daughter that’s never getting pregnant.

Let that be a lesson to all those damn teenage boys with your acne, long hair, and little peepee’s. Don’t sneak in your girlfriend’s house and decide to show off your boyhood.

I’ve got to hand it the Chinese again.  They come up with the most creative ways to do everything… Even how Chinese gang members can make a quick buck is remarkable.

Sure, we’ve all heard of goons and thugs killing people for money (everyone knows the premise behind Grand Theft Auto).  Maybe the target was a high-ranking member of a rival gang or mafia.  Or maybe the target just pissed off the wrong Tony Montana, and decided to sniff lines of cocaine off Scarface’s kid sister in the bathroom of the Babylon Club.  Whichever the case, this story has to be the most appealing.

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The Olympics are soon over.  Update commencing…

USA and China are finally separating in the medal count. Although China has an overwhelming edge over the Americans in Gold medals, the US has the overall total in their favor.  China has improved so much from the Olympics prior.  It’s obvious that their strategy was to concentrate on the least popular sports (with the exception of Gymnastics) and try to take the Gold in those categories.  One problem though, there are 81 gold medals given in Swimming and Track and Field combined.  If China’s goal was to defeat the US in the medal count, then they had to dump some time into the most popular and most Gold-pungent events in the Olympics.  A good analogy would be like a Presidential Candidate not campaigning in California and New York. Continue Reading »

Now that we are in our second full week of healthy athletic competition, its time for another update.

Medal Count (Top 5):

USA - 25 Golds, 25 Silvers, 26 Bronzes = 76 Total

China - 40 Golds, 14 Silvers, 17 Bronzes = 71 Total

Russia - 9 Golds, 13 Silvers, 17 Bronzes = 39 Total

Australia - 11 Golds, 11 Silvers, 12 Bronzes = 34 Total

Great Britain - 14 Golds, 7 Silvers, 8 Bronzes = 29 Total

Notes:

The women’s gymnastics all-around event finished as U.S. taking Gold (Nastia Luikin) and Silver (Shawn Johnson) - Prooving once again that sweatshop working kids just can’t jump into the gym and expect a gold medal in their future.

The U.S. Wrestler, Henry Cejudo, beats Japan’s Tomohiro Matsunaga for the gold - securing the another consecutive gold medal for the U.S. in a freestyle event in the last 9 Olympics.  Prooving once again that just because you’re good at math, doesn’t mean you can calculate your way out of an Mexican-American Sleeper Hold. 

Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh advance to the Gold medal match, sweeping teams in the Semi-Finals.  This is their 107th consecutive victory over any beach volleyball duo.  They play top-seeded Tian Jia and Wang Jie.  No anecdote here, I’m waiting the outcome. 

The Redeem Team absolutely crushes the German team 106-57, and are just 3 wins away from the Gold.  They even jumped to a 20-3 lead at one point in the first quarter.  Prooving once again that once Hitler died, so did Germany’s basketball dreams (both thanks to the Americans)

GO USA!!!!

China is doing a fantastic job putting on these games.  I don’t care if they are Communist.  I don’t care if they won’t free Tibet.  And I don’t care if they don’t like Joey Cheek, although I never met the guy, Prez G-dub says he’s a good man.  Kudos to China for putting on a great spectacle. 

Also, what really surprises me is the turnaround.  China has never contended for medals in the past, and all of a sudden they are teetering with USA in the top spot of the medal count chart.   Talk about home pride.  But USA fans should not worry.  The Track and Feild competitions start on day 7.  Enlightened by the French swimmer, Alain Bernard,  I feel obligated to say: ”The American’s are going to smash them” and “I hate Frenchies”

Here’s your update:

Medal Count (Top 5):

China - 22 Golds, 7 Silvers, 5 Bronzes = 34 Total

USA - 10 Golds, 9 Silvers, 14 Bronzes = 33 Total

South Korea - 6 Golds, 7 Silvers, 3 Bronzes = 16 Total

Australia - 5 Golds, 4 Silvers, 7 Bronzes = 16 Total

Frenchies - 2 Golds, 7 Silvers, 6 Bronzes = 15 Total

Notes:

Michael Phelps continues to woo “Phelps Phans” all over the globe.  He now has the most gold medals of any Olympic athlete of all time, AND he has broken the world record in every single medal race he has swum. 

Kosuke Kitajima of Japan is the best Breast Stroker in the world.  I’m jealous because I long dreamed of having that title.

The USA men’s gymnastics team surprisingly took the Bronze in the Team Final.  And my USA girls took Silver (Once the Chinese girl’s ages are revealed, that might change to gold).  Alicia Sacramone: I don’t care if she did fall on the beam and floor exercise, she’s still the best looking girl in the Olympics.  Okay, second behind Jennie Finch. 

GO USA!!!!

After a fantastic, glorious, terrorist-free, expensive ($300M!) opening ceremony on Friday night, August 8, 2008 – The 29^th Olympic games are under way.

I was literally glued to the television set like they were showing reruns of Saved by the Bell. However, my TV was not showing Zack and Kelly slow dancing outside of the costume ball, but rather Michael Phelps breaking world records, Dana Torres showing she can swim with the much more hip and younger girls, and Shawn Johnson delivering a crisp, mistake-free routine (unlike her teammates).

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In one of the most gruesome and disturbing stories since…well…EVER, a man was recently arrested for decapitating and cutting up the body of his seat-mate while on a Greyhound bus trip! And no this was not a plot in a horror flick, but, tragically, true life.

One of the really creepy aspects of the story was that passengers reported the killer was “totally calm”, like he “was having a day at the beach.” What kind of a day at the beach is that?!

According to Greyhound, the killing was “tragic but isolated”. Well, jeez, I would hope so. Good call Greyhound. I don’t even know what else to say about this story except that I hope it never happens again.

Why go to the trouble of paying for a cocktail of various drugs when you can get them for free by simply drinking tap water?! Well, sorta.

New evidence shows just how much crap can be found in our cities drinking water supplies. To be honest, I find it sketchy that these prescription drugs are in the water we drink, even if if is only in “trace” amounts. Apparently the normal rigors of the modern-day water treatment process do not remove the pharmaceuticals from the water supply.

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